STEP 5 - Handle The Bully With Bully-Proof Tips (8:28)
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There is one thing missing in the book that I think should be included. The part about being left out of meetings was good but some bully’s like to make sure they include you so they can use the opportunity to indirectly call you out without indicating who you are and to keep you flustered and afraid to open your mouth. Its a suble method of indirectly saying, if you say anything I have this weapon against you and will use it. Now, this person may end up being our manager becasue she makes sure that she does all the right things and comes accross as fair to those who are watching but turns right around and devalues in another way that is seemingly innocent for those who are not aware of what is going on. HOw do you fight that?
I am amazed at how much this all applies to my own situation, I had a colleague that went through the same thing prior to my situation, and I wondered who was going to be next. The colleague left the organization, she went on sick leave, and decided to move on. I feel stuck, and I do not want to have the same thing happen to me, yet it is. I work with 4 Control Freaks….simple as that ……thank you so much, this resource will help me very much. Again….thanks.
Thank you for sharing, your tips are very practical and useful indeed! I wish I came across this earlier, I had suffered from being a target of bullying in my company for years and, the thing is, if you do not fight back, more and more people will join in to bully you. They are either recruited by the bully or they simply think you can be bullied! I have left my previous job and move to another city and I am doing very well now!
I foundthat Your advices and approach are amazing. I was helped a lot because my awareness of what is happening is much bigger. This actually helped me a lot to dela withthe boss who completely has ignored me by months. I am not that hurt now as I used to be. On the contrary he is the one who will be confused because his bullin I revealed his behavior.
Thank You veeeery much. If there ismore material about the bosses who ignore and socially exclude their coworkers I would like to buy.
Thank You again.
Wow, thanks, I’ve been bullied all my work life and have fought the fight and then given up to flight (left the jobs when I just couldn’t take it anymore). I am now in a profession that I love and therefore, am determined to learn how to deal with the present bully I work with. Your tools will help me achieve this. Huge thanks. (Oh yeah, my employer is serious about stopping this behaviour too – yipee!)
Quite interesting from session to session. I will borrow the book from our HR library pool right away.
I have been a victim of Workplace Bullying.I have found the video very useful and like to recommend it to all who are victims of Workplace Bully.
God bless you. I was just fired from a job I loved because of this type of behavior from a couple of bullies at work. I look forward to reading your book.
I’m going to buy this book and make sure it is VERY visible on my desk… :D
Just finished your free five step video e-course amazing have passed information on to both union and management there is a lot of great information to share with others we are all on the same page concerning workplace bullying and No bullying is not just in the school yards I also enjoyed your speech at the Halifax insight conference
Thank you for these free videos it helped. I will buy your book.
Thank you. I am buying the book.
Thank you for the Bully Proof ideas, will definitely put them to good use.
Excellent video series. But what happens when you just need to leave a toxic workplace? At a certain point, I realized that my direct boss had turned so many of my once trusted colleagues against me. She was a master of manipulation and passive aggressive behavior and did all that she could to undermine my work and tarnish my reputation. The more I fought against the sabotage, the more she won. It was a constant battle. I even purposed conflict resolution more than three times which she constantly rejected. After a year of doing work that I once actually enjoyed (past tense), I realized what had happened: I was burnt-out, physically and mentally drained, and no longer passionate about the work. I handed-in my resignation and accepted that I couldn’t change her attitude or my colleagues’ attitude.
I actually understand why she did what she did. Unfortunately, it was this understanding that sometimes made me support her when I should not have. This leads me to my second question: When is bullying also coupled with one of the deadly -isms? Interestingly, this woman only liked women who were in positions “lower than” her; she constantly praised the men in the organization and the women who were in secretarial positions (e.g. those she could micro-manage). Basically, she engaged in sexist behavior aimed at myself and other women who challenged her dysfunctional, despotic style of leadership and who were more popular with the organization’s membership. It was jealously and a lack of her own self-worth which drove her bullying behavior. Instead of confronting the own sexism she faced, she turned against other women. She also allowed racist, homophobic, ageist and fat-phobic comments to go unchecked during meetings. I tried to bring these matters up with those in power (over her head) but they, too, didn’t care. Because I was already mis-labeled a trouble-maker, they thought I was making it up. I only had one ally who backed me up and was a witness but he had to leave for another location.
In the end, I quit. I’m currently fighting against the idea that I am the loser in this scenario. First, I feel better now that I’ve left and have more energy to refocus my efforts on what really matters. Secondly, I am working on healing and learning strategies to deal with bullies when I confront them again (thanks to your video series). Additionally, I’ve come to understand how it was about her and not me. Lastly, I’ve vowed to myself to still strive for positions of relative power and responsibility BUT to continue to do so with a leadership style that builds people’s capacity instead of destroying their confidence. I’ll regain my passion for the work and remember that the institution itself was toxic and that this toxicity was reproduced/reflected in its leadership. The work itself is still useful and I believe in it.
In the end, the bully may think she has won but I know better. Thanks again for helping me work through this challenging experience. What doesn’t kill you, does make you stronger.
Jenny Wren said: Wow, you could have been describing my situation. I tried to have management deal with the bullying, but they sided with her, just like all my once trusted colleagues. I’m going back into my job after being away for a year on stress leave and working at another school in order to recover from depression caused by the bullying. I have lost faith in all who have dealt so unfairly with my case: I have been accused of bullying her, and the whole faculty are trying to prevent my return! Once a bully decides you’re a threat they are ruthless in either trying to control you, or removing you from your job. This site has given me the hope of going back to see if I can work with these people again. If it is too much then I too will be forced to leave a job I used to love.
Ditto on describing the same situation. I see it going on but it is so subtle that no one notices. If you try to point it out it makes you look like the one doing it and they still win. I came home from work last night with my bp 197/126. Within an hour of being home it went down to 134/80. Even with these tools, the body has a mind of its own when under that kind of stress. I love my job and and the company I work for. It is a great company. It looks to me like the dysfunction of the team alone should show anyone there is a problem. How can these people be promoted and good people be made to look like incompetent fools and troublemakers? I am losing my faith in people.
What I find truly sad is how many people prefer to believe the bully’s innuendos instead of proof of the opposite. What I don’t understand is how the bully succeeds in udermining the performance of a person with 2 degrees, 2 professional certifications, 4 leadership awards, and 3 productivity and innovation awards? When challenged for specific examples of bad behaviour, the bully just says, “I can’t give you a specific example, It’s a pattern of behaviour. She’s been like that for years.” and HR just swallows this.
NOBODY should get away with treating others in this distrustful, micromanaged, stressful, miserable manner. THANK YOU for giving us a fighting chance against such bullies. Your book is excellent!
There is nothing I didn’t like about this book. One of the best self help books I ever read. Made me strong when I was weak and I sleep at night now. I would strongly recommend this book to anyone who is struggling with a workplace bully.